Strengthening Your Leadership Core Part 2: Relational Intelligence

Why Relational Intelligence (RI) Matters

In our last post, we explored how SI—skills intelligence—lays the foundation for leadership. It gives leaders the strategic insight, problem-solving ability, and clarity needed to make wise decisions. But leadership is more than just having the right answers or the best strategies. Leaders lead real people. And that’s where RI—relational intelligence—comes in.

If SI provides the blueprint, RI is what breathes life into a leader’s relationships. It’s the art of leadership—the ability to understand yourself and others so you can build trust, foster collaboration, and create an environment where people thrive. Without strong RI, leadership becomes transactional rather than transformational.

So what does high RI look like in action? Here are three defining traits of leaders with strong RI, along with practical examples of how they shape ministry teams and church communities.

1. Authenticity in Leadership

Leaders who embrace their God-given wiring—their strengths, weaknesses, and personality—cultivate trust because they’re not pretending to be something they’re not. Authenticity includes demonstrating high character, building meaningful chemistry, and being willing to be vulnerable rather than self-preserving. It fosters true partnership rather than mere transactions.

For example, imagine a pastor who acknowledges their struggles with time management but invites a team member with strong organizational skills to help. Rather than hiding their weakness, they model humility and teamwork. This kind of authenticity makes leaders more relatable and encourages others to step into their own strengths. In contrast, leaders who wear a mask or try to emulate someone else’s style create distance between themselves and their team.

2. Empathy and Collaboration

Leaders with strong RI don’t just direct people; they connect with them. They listen, adapt, and create a culture where people feel seen, valued, and heard. RI—relational intelligence—isn’t just about understanding people’s emotions; it’s about acting in a way that honors that understanding.

Think about a worship leader who notices that a volunteer musician is struggling with confidence. Instead of just expecting them to keep up, they take time to encourage them, provide additional practice sessions, or pair them with a mentor. This leader’s awareness of relational dynamics strengthens the team and builds a culture of trust and investment.

Collaboration also flourishes under leaders with high RI. In a church setting, this might look like a small group coordinator who genuinely seeks input from group leaders, allowing them to shape ministry plans rather than simply follow orders. When people feel like vital contributors, they take greater ownership and passion in their work.

3. Leadership Integrity

A leader’s RI reflects their understanding of who God made them to be. Instead of trying to lead like someone else, they embrace their strengths and use them to empower their teams. Leaders with high RI highlight their competencies and build credibility with those they serve. This kind of integrity ensures that decisions and actions align with core values, building trust over time.

Consider a church elder who remains consistent in their leadership—whether they’re speaking from the pulpit, counseling a struggling couple, or handling a behind-the-scenes budget meeting. Their leadership is not performance-based; it’s grounded in a deep sense of calling and responsibility. People trust them because their actions match their words, and they don’t shift based on who’s watching.

Relational Intelligence: The Glue That Holds Teams Together

RI is the relational glue that holds a team together. It makes leadership more than just task execution—it makes it transformational. A leader with strong RI creates a culture where people feel safe to bring their true selves, contribute meaningfully, and grow together.

But RI alone isn’t enough. Leadership is about balance. You can have all the SI (skills intelligence) and RI (relational intelligence) in the world, but if you lack EI (emotional intelligence)—the ability to regulate your emotions and navigate difficult situations with grace—you’ll eventually hit a ceiling.

In our next post, we’ll dive into EI and why it’s the final, crucial piece of the leadership core. Because at the end of the day, great leaders aren’t just skilled or relational—they’re emotionally strong, too.